Yeah my thoughts exactly. God knows what I was aiming at with that title! But it goes a little way to describing my current state of mind.

I guess my mood harks back to a previous rant about people's choices in life and how it can affect other people's lives without them even realising it.

I am who I am... I can't change the comments or decisions made. But i'm the one who has to deal with the consequences. And as such I do not deal with them very well....

So here's my dilemma.

How do you open yourself up to creativity after so many years of blocking out ALL of your feelings?

Basically trying to write anything, lyrics wise, is like a form of self torture. I bully myself into doing it because I need to, but I can't do it because i'm scared.

So then there's the middle ground where everyone else is pissed off with me because i'm not doing as i'm told. They don't see the hours of me trying, sitting there listening to the same bit of music over and over to try and have just the tiniest of ideas.....

And that's just it... the ideas are there, but they aren't forming into anything.... just sitting there going "well do something then"..... but i've got no fucking clue and the only advice other musicians can give me is "it just comes naturally".....

Well big fucking woop for you.... because it doesn't to me!!!! I'm sitting here like a twat torturing myself, telling myself I am the biggest waste of fucking space because the ideas don't flow because every other fucker tells me they "just do it" and can't fucking tell me how.

Thanks for the advice!

So I shall carry on dissapointing everyone because I still have no fucking clue..... I get the impression I just wasn't cut out for this!

Maybe I should just stick to good old mind numbingly boring brain squashing admin and give up.....